I want no pity. I think I am so much better off then so many others on this planet. Though I am a miserable one life has provided me with so much, that so many will never have. Again, I feel like I won a lottery.

I think one should do things for others. It's one of the main things in life. To do things only for oneself, is not very useful for the world in general. Though from time to time one must do things for oneself first. Ominous is one of those times for me.

And there is another reason (except for me trying to motivate myself into future endeavours, without any borders). I want to explain where Ominous is coming from. Not because I have to or really want to (these things are not easy to share). But there have been people telling me to do this since it can be quite a difficult record to understand otherwise. I actually did this already for Illwill, but maybe in a more obscure way.

The most important reason though is actually to (maybe) give some guidance to how to handle (some) things in life that are hard to handle. And also perhaps to give some hope to those who are going through similar times.

It was about 12-13 years ago (I don't remember exactly, or I have chosen to forget). I got diagnosed with chronical leukaemia. Yes, I almost died and yes, I had to make my peace with death (so many practical things to handle, insurances, bank loans etc). It was not easy but it was done.

This illness led to so much "shit" in so many ways. I understand that some people around me couldn't handle the situation (and I didn't demand anything, everybody has their own way, but I did miss my "friends").

One of the first things I remember that the doctor told me (except for the words that I will never forget and that turned my already dark world even darker: "Sorry to say, but you've got leukaemia") was that this kind of illness usually makes things and relationships black and white. Either you grow together or you grow apart, there is no in between.

The first one of the "monsters" that will be included in the Ominous story is the physical illness. The one who destroys your body.

But then, after a while, comes the real "shit". It get's into your head. And things start to get really ugly. This will be the second "monster" of the story. The brother of the first one. This one creeps into your mind, growing stronger as you grow weaker.

And then you start to loose about everything. As I said, you cannot give when you have nothing.

But, the best lessons come from the worst things. So, just a couple of small things I've learned (there is of course so much more). Not universal in any way, just my subjective view.

If you're dealing with someone depressed (or similar):

- Don't tell them that they can call you whenever they need something. Call them, visit them, help them with the smallest things, mow their lawn, water their flowers, sort their papers, carry out their garbage etc.

- Never tell them that they are lazy or use the "get yourself together" phrase. Instead of complaining about and pointing out that they (for example) don't go out for a walk, encourage them when they take only one small step (hey, if you put your feet, one after the other, 3 times already gives about a meter). When you are down there, one step outside the door is like conquering the world.

- Don't turn away because they can't give you what you want in the moment. To feel even more useless in such a state is not a very good thing. They will get that kind of treatment from almost everywhere anyway, from society, jobs etc. To really give is not to give when it suits you, it is to give when it doesn't.

- Don't tell them that there are others worse off. It usually doesn't help in the current situation. But it is a good thing later on, to put things into perspective.

- Don't ignore it, or diminish it, or wave it away like a fly. It is a very big thing in a persons life to wrestle these big emotions constantly (when you go to bed, when you dream, when you wake up, when you try to do daily ordinary things,, or when you just try to take a look outside).

In short, don't push (but don't turn away). There is such a battle going on there anyway. No more fights are needed.

If you can't do these things, explain it directly and then leave (sometimes you just don't have the energy to help). It will be better in the long run.

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I actually had to correct some misspellings this time, it's just me.