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I always have found it best, Instead of getting 'em off my chest, To let 'em rest unexpressed, I hate parading my serenading As I'll probably miss a bar, But if this ditty is not so pretty At least it'll tell you How great you are. You're the Nile, You're the Tower of Pisa, You're the smile on the Mona Lisa I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop, But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top! You're the top! You're Mahatma Gandhi. You're the top! You're Napoleon Brandy. You're the purple light Of a summer night in Spain, You're the National Gallery You're Garbo's salary, You're cellophane. You're sublime, You're the time, the time of a Derby winner I'm a toy balloon that's fated soon to pop But if, baby, I'm the bottom, You're the top! But if, baby, I'm the bottom, You're the top! David: You dance like a bottom! Neil: Only cuz I'm watching you! ... What does a bottom dance like, anyway? David: Have you seen Adam Shankman? You're romance, You're the steppes of Russia, You're the pants, on a Roxy usher, I'm a lazy lout about to stop But if, baby, I'm the bottom, You're the top!