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t's Finally Ironic (You're Welcome, Alanis) Lyrics by Eliza Hurwitz and Music by Rachael Hurwitz An old man turned 98 He won the lottery, and died the next day from a sever paper cut from his lottery ticket It's a black fly in your chardonnay that was specifically purchased to repel black flies It's a death row pardon that causes your demise, because you leave the jail and get hit by a bus And that really is ironic We fixed it for you, Alanis (you're welcome) It's like rain on your wedding day, a day and place You chose because it's known not to rain It's a free ride, but you get mugged on the way We've got good advice we're forcing you to take And who would've thought, it figures! Mr. Play-it-safe was afraid to drive, Instead he packed his suitcase and got ready to fly He wasted his whole damn life being afraid of cars But as the plane crashed down, he thought, well isn't this nice? And that really is ironic We fixed it for you, Alanis (you're welcome) It's like rain on your wedding day, a day and place You chose because it's known not to rain It's a free ride, but you get mugged on the way We've got good advice we're forcing you to take And who would've thought, it figures! We've got an editorial way of sneaking up on you When you think your irony is okay and the examples in your song are right We've got an editorial way of helping you out when your song About irony is wrong and everyone says it to your face A traffic jam causes you to leave early, But you rush and get in a crash, which causes you to be late A no-smoking sign you hung up when you quit, Now you started again but can't smoke 'cause of the sign It's like ten thousand spoons you bought with your only knife Now all you need is a knife, but you only have spoons! It's meeting the man of your dreams... And meeting his beautiful wife at couples therapy And that really is ironic, don't you think? Finally ironic, and yeah we really do think It's like rain on your wedding day, a day and place You chose because it's known not to rain It's a free ride, but you get mugged on the way We've got good advice we're forcing you to take Our changes make it so your song makes sense who would've thought, it figures! We've got an editorial way of sneaking up on you We've got an editorial, editorial way of helping you out, Helping you out. Copyright 2013 by Rachael Hurwitz and Eliza Hurwitz.