20 years ago I️ found my father’s suicide note locked inside his desk, in an unusually dark and quiet house . I’ll never forget reading the note for the first time - I️ was on the phone with my mom & as I️ read it to her I️ could feel myself leaving my body in a overwhelming haze of shock- it will forever be the worst moment of my life. I️ knew in my heart that I️ would never see him again . I’ve lived through various addictions & all kinds of depression and yet somehow I’m still here . Mostly because I️ know how much it hurts to lose someone to suicide and I️ don’t want anyone to have to feel that way because of me. 15 years later my family and I️ were a disaster and now 5 more years have passed and I️ finally feel like we’re on the right track . I’m building a loving healthy relationship with them again . It used to hurt so much to be around them . I️ ran away much more than I️ should have . I️ didn’t honestly know what else to do. A few weeks ago on the actual anniversary of his suicide I️ found out a lot of really exciting news and was thinking that my dad would be proud of me for never giving up. He would approve of my nontraditional sexy ass bomb life. Then I️ got a text about 2 more people I️ know taking their lives . Devastating . And somehow not even that shocking to me - which is insane. Or maybe I’ve experienced this one too many times . I️ really don’t want to post any of this but something is forcing me to : I’ll do anything to try and save a friend’s life . If you want to kill yourself ...talk to me first . Please ! - I️ am an expert at this and it’s not a good idea even when there’s nothing that seems worth living for. If you lost someone to suicide and need someone to talk to , here I am. Thank you dad for giving me a sense of humor , for being cool with gay people, for not being racist and for being so kind and for always going out of your way to help people . He and my amazing mom gave me love and support when I️ needed it the most and I️ am forever grateful for that - the ultimate priv