How to raise a boy — in an age of gaming addictions and porn

BBC Radio 4 spent last week fretting about modern boyhood. Lads underperform in school. Meanwhile, scare stories abound about the online swamps lost boys can be lured towards: less chess.com than Pornhub, Andrew Tate, sextortion and Reddit threads about zombie knives.

R4’s masterstroke was to send Catherine Carr — a deftly inquisitive, sometimes teasing interviewer — to travel the country and actually talk to boys, instead of at them. Carr has two teenage boys. She has also produced some brilliant audio. Her podcast Where Are You Going?, for which she approaches strangers on the street, is a critics’ favourite. Relatively, about sibling relationships, is another. With just the right mixture of encouragement and interest, she persuaded her subjects to speak unguardedly.

About the Boys (Radio 4, Mon-Fri) offered an insightful snapshot into an anxious, put-upon generation wrestling with archetypes of masculinity and spending (by their own admission) way too much time online, but also often having a laugh. These boys were warm, frank, often movingly vulnerable and endearingly funny. They were the series’ stars, but Carr also talked to teachers, academics and youth workers.

The boys’ matter-of-factness was at times heart-piercing. One teenager from Rotherham explained, without self-pity, how his family’s eviction meant he was going to have to move schools, leaving behind friendships. A Year 12 boy, living in rural Carmarthenshire, spoke about the loneliness of his Covid lockdown years. In an inner-city London primary, Carr interviewed 7 to 11-year-olds selected for a “Nurture” play scheme. What do those at home think of your participation, Carr asked one sweet youngster. “They think it’s good I let the energy out,” he answered.

“If you don’t let the energy out what happens?” Carr asked.

“I just go mad,” he admitted.

The five 14-minute episodes covered Becoming a Man, Life Online, Education, Sex and Consent and Friendship. It was all riveting, but as a mother of two teenage boys, I found the episode Life Online particularly striking. It started with boys swapping lockdown gaming stats (“Fortnite, I had over 1,500 hours. Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War, I had 857 hours. Then, on the next Call of Duty, Vanguard, about 450”) then progressed through social media to pornography.

Zach Rausch, an American research scientist whose work contributed to The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, says: “Boys are missing in action. They’re not dating, they’re not having sex, they’re lonelier than ever, spending more time on screens.” He spoke of a fundamental shift, from the 2010s onwards, in how boys forge friendships as social lives have moved further on to gaming platforms. “You need a headset and your own screen. In order to be connected to your friends, you need to be physically separated.”

This chimed with me. Over the Easter holidays, my younger son’s phone broke. In the boredom of waiting for it to be replaced, he read three novels — a leisure activity largely confined to school since he got a smartphone. His 15-year-old brother, meanwhile, gamed for as many hours as allowed, with the rest of us hearing his cries of phrases like, “You’re washed, bro!” However, it is not really what he shouts into his microphone that worries me, but where he might be led astray while quietly scrolling.

The two other programmes in this season focused on those online perils. For File on 4’s The Boys Are Not Alright (Radio 4, Wed), Jo Meek explored the case of Daniel Harris, the Glossop teenager convicted of encouraging terrorism. His followers included Payton Gendron, who, in May 2022 when he was 18 years old, killed ten people in a racially motivated shooting in Buffalo, New York. How protected are other youngsters, such as Meek’s young children, from this type of content? In the slighter How to Save an Incel (Radio 4, Sun, Mon) Sophia Smith Galer delved into the angry world of incel (involuntary celibate) forums, where violent misogynistic rhetoric abounds. Is there a glimmer of hope in the subreddit forums that seek to befriend incels and nudge them towards addressing their own insecurities, such as body dysmorphia?

It is not all parenting scare stories. Vogue Williams’s new parenting podcast, The Apple and the Tree, launched with a touching conversation between a British Muslim father and his gay son about coming out that confounded racial stereotypes.

Still, online and in real life, this is a complicated world for parents and boys to be navigating.

The best radio shows to catch this week

Sunday

Private Passions (Radio 3, noon)
Michael Berkeley talks to Percival Everett, the US writer whose novel The Trees was shortlisted for the Booker prize in 2022. His book Erasure (2021) was adapted into the award-winning film American Fiction. His latest novel, James, retells Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn from the perspective of Huck’s friend Jim, who is fleeing slavery.

Comedy Club At Machynlleth (Radio 4 Extra, 11pm)
The station continues its links with the Machynlleth comedy festival, with Esyllt Sears introducing a nightly show until Friday. The festival, which runs over this bank holiday weekend, includes Bridget Christie and Miles Jupp. With newer comics struggling to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe as it has become so expensive, it looks like Wales is the place for comedy now.

Monday

The Genius Of Joy — The Story Of Beethoven’s Ninth (Classic FM, from 7pm)
Tomorrow marks the bicentenary of the premiere of Beethoven’s Symphony No 9 (Choral), which he co-conducted at Vienna’s Theater am Karntnertor. The Genius Of Joy is a dramatisation of the genesis of the piece, including letters from Beethoven, and is narrated by Richard Armitage, with Alexander Armstrong, Stephen Mangan, Dan Walker, Myleene Klass and Alan Titchmarsh providing the character voices. Then, John Suchet guides listeners through the symphony movement by movement, offering historical context and pointing out moments of special significance.

Abba And Beyond — The Story Of Eurovision 74 (Radio 2, 2pm)
In the run-up to Saturday’s Eurovision grand final, Scott Mills takes listeners back to the Brighton Dome in 1974 when Abba began their campaign for pop domination with the victory of Waterloo. There are interviews with Bjorn Ulvaeus and Anni-Frid Lyngstad looking back on the big night, and others who were there, including Mike Batt, the creator of interval act the Wombles.

• ‘They sang Waterloo in my cab’ — the night Abba made Eurovision history

Tuesday

Being Roman (Radio 4, 9am)
Mary Beard returns with a second series of her revealing portraits of Roman citizens from across the social scale, including pub landlords and poets. She begins with a whistleblower — Gaius Julius Classicanus was sent to Britain as procurator in AD61 to make a financial clean-up after the tribal queen Boudicca’s attempted rebellion, but was held back by Suetonius Paulinus, the governor, who was busy taking punitive action against the rebels. Classicanus wrote to Emperor Nero, telling him that Paulinus was doing more harm than good.

Britain’s Blonde Bombshell — The Diana Dors Story (Radio 4 Extra, 10.30am)
The station marks the 40th anniversary of the death of the British actress with a programme presented by Honor Blackman. Dors — born Diana Fluck in Swindon — could have been a Hollywood star, but poor career choices and arguably even worse personal ones meant she had to settle for being a British national treasure instead. Her 1981 Desert Island Discs choices are available on BBC Sounds.

Assignment (BBC World Service, 9.30am/8.06pm)
Francisco Garcia looks at Italy’s biggest anti-mafia trial in 30 years, which came to an end in 2023 with more than 200 people convicted. On the stand were the Calabrian ’NDrangheta, thought to control 80 per cent of Europe’s cocaine trade.

Wednesday

Exhibit A (podcast)
Abbey Clancy flies solo on her new podcast series, which is a more serious take on life than the marital bickering show The Therapy Crouch with her husband, Peter. Promising to “uncover the secrets of success and life lessons from the individuals who are shaping the world around us”, the series begins with a moving interview with Mo Gawdat, the former Google X chief business officer, who discusses his transformation to happiness guru after the death of his son in a medical tragedy. Future guests include Kelly Hoppen and, er, Peter Crouch.

Drama On 4 (Radio 4, 2.15pm)
The Missed Lives Of Max & Judy is a sci-fi rom-com by Janina Matthewson, co-creator of the Within the Wires podcast. Danuisa Samal and Carl Prekopp star as university students who become great friends, but bad timing and missed opportunities mean they don’t get it together; a misunderstanding drives them apart and they try to get over their heartbreak by simply wishing it away. What could have happened for them if they’d been living in an alternate universe?

Thursday

Intrigue — To Catch A Scorpion (BBC Sounds)
Sue Mitchell, a journalist, and Rob Lawrie, a soldier turned aid worker, reunite after their Girl Taken podcast and Radio 4 series The Smugglers’ Trail for a timely new series searching for “Scorpion”, the boss of an organised crime gang that is smuggling thousands of migrants across the Channel and into the UK. They have visited refugee camps, meeting families preparing to cross the Channel in small boats at night and making contacts within Scorpion’s network.

The Documentary (BBC World Service, 9.30am/8.06pm)
Peter Macjob reports on differing views of twins in Nigeria in Twin Towns. Igbo-Ora has a high twin birth rate and twins are regarded as a blessing; another area has taken them to be manifestations of evil spirits. Macjob visits an orphanage that rescues unwanted babies and tries to change attitudes about twins.

Friday

Briers On Hancock (Radio 4 Extra, 10.30am)
The station launches its celebration of the centenary of Tony Hancock’s birth on May 12 with a 1984 programme in which Richard Briers discusses his admiration for the comic actor whom he described as his “absolute idol”. The Missing Hancocks (BBC Sounds) has shows that had been wiped by the BBC recreated by a cast headed by Kevin McNally as the Lad Himself.

Saturday

Eurovision Grand Final (Radio 2, 8pm)
Rylan and Scott Mills cover the final of the contest. This show is preceded by a day of programmes celebrating the contest, including Dermot O’Leary (8am) interviewing Lulu, and Michelle Visage’s Eurovision All-Stars (3pm).

Reviews by Clair Woodward

The best podcasts to check out now

Green Wing — Resuscitated
Is it really 17 years since we last met the incredibly dysfunctional staff of East Hampton hospital? Audible has rebooted the Channel 4 comedy, with the original cast and writers bringing us up to date with what the characters are up to now (Guy Secretan is still an arse, unsurprisingly). For what was quite a physical show, especially the performance of Mark Heap as the dreadful Alan Statham, this version works well in audio — and if anything it’s even more surreal than the telly version. It stars Karl Theobald, Tamsin Greig, Julian Rhind-Tutt and Stephen Mangan.

Uncomfortable Conversations With Josh Szeps
The Australian journalist discusses subjects that many people avoid because it causes too much aggro. Recent guests include Jimmy Carr, who discussed his latest Netflix special, and the journalist Douglas Murray.

Full Chat
Iwan Thomas and David Prutton, former sports stars, have launched a new motorbike podcast. Their first guest is Paul Ainsworth, the celebrity chef. Mary Motorcycle (podcast) is the story of Mary Sievier, a British motorcyclist who spent nine years riding solo around the world.

Harry Hill’s Are We There Yet?
If your idea of a good time is listening to Alan Carr read a story about a dolphin with nits while Hill plays Amazing Grace on a nose flute then this is the comedy podcast for you. Hill’s new show is billed as family friendly and features him chatting with celebrity guests and talking with an expert on a bizarre subject each week. Bringing all of Hill’s charming silliness and creative daftness, it’s a brilliant antidote to all those comedy “bro-casts”, and it made me cry laughing.

Halfway (podcast)
Idris and Sabrina Elba have executive produced this intriguing sci-fi drama from Audible, which has Lenny Henry star as the developer of Halfway, an artificial intelligence company that allows people to download versions of their personality so that when they die their loved ones can remember them. Florence (Patricia Allison) is consumed by grief after the death of her brother, Mark (Arinzé Kene). She discovers he has been “uploaded” and uses his AI personality to discover what led to his death. The writers are Imeldha Eloni and Michael Honnah.

The Bachelor Of Buckingham Palace (podcast)
Podcasts are very good at investigating the dirty side of reality TV. This Wondery series (the company has just launched its UK subscription service) has Scott Bryan examine what went on behind the scenes of the US reality show I Wanna Marry “Harry”, in which the contestants presumed they were dating the prince.

Clair Woodward

Which podcasts are part of your weekly routine? Let us know in the comments below