‘I’m a 30 year-old man and I live with my parents. Is that so bad?’

I moved back in with my parents about eight months ago after my longtime girlfriend and I broke up. We’d lived and rented together for five years, but when we split the choice was an obvious one. Mum said: “I can have your bed made whenever you need it.”

I’m not embarrassed, even though I’m not putting my name to this. I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents — they leave me alone and treat me like an adult, so there was no question of “Is this going to work out?” They like to have me around, and now that my dad is retired we play golf whenever we can. It’s really nice to be back.

Stereotypically, men are worse at looking after themselves, and that might be why more stay at home than women — 33 per cent of men aged between 20 and 34 live at home with their parents, according to the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics, compared with 22 per cent of women of the same age.

• Young men refuse to fly nest — with a third still living at home

The women I know tend to like living in shared accommodation with friends, but I’ve never wanted to do that. I have to admit it’s nice not to have to cook every single evening — but I do like to cook for my parents as well. I don’t need to worry about ironing and laundry though, which is a blessing. All those things are just taken care of, and I’d be lying if I said it’s not still nice to be mothered sometimes.

The main reason I moved home instead of into my own place? Financial. With my girlfriend I was paying about £1,500 including bills; we had agreed a 70:30 split because I earned more than her. It was near impossible to save anything and as costs just kept increasing over the past couple of years I could see no end to renting. At home I pay some money to my parents to help with bills and food, but nowhere near the amounts I spent while renting, so I am able to save a significant amount of my salary to buy my own place — the ultimate goal.

I don’t think there’s any stigma or shame in moving home, so many people have done it at one point or another; most of my male friends say, “I wish I’d stayed at home longer.” Also there is a plan in place — I don’t feel like this is for ever, it just makes sense right now.

In the meantime I’m happy at home. When it comes to dating there is a bit of trepidation about bringing a woman home, or telling them I live with my parents, but it doesn’t hugely bother me. I understand that would be an “ick” — but I’d like to think anyone I dated would understand why I’m here.

My parents wouldn’t mind if I brought someone back, so long as I’m respectful. But to be honest, after my last relationship I’m not thinking about dating just yet. In about 18 months I hope to buy a place and move out again — but I know my bed will always be ready for me at home should I need it.

‘I’d never date a man who still lived with his mum’

Charlie Gowans-Eglinton

A third of men aged between 20 and 34 in the UK still live with their parents, according to new data from the ONS. That’s 2.2 million — all of whom I can immediately rule out of my dating pool.

Of course I understand why. For some it’s cultural, but for most it’s financial. Rents are staggering; my bills have doubled. For anyone on an average UK salary without a significant other to split costs with, moving out of the childhood home means spending the vast majority of your income on the absolute basics, and definitely not saving for the future. I know a woman who lived with her mum until she was 30, and saved a house deposit by doing so. I know a married man who lived with his in-laws for four years while he and his wife saved theirs. But crikey, at what cost? And in the dating world it’s a deal-breaker for me.

Think of the power dynamic. If it’s his parents’ house, that makes him, and you, children — even if you are in your thirties. I might be an infantilised millennial who doesn’t own anything, but at least I’ve spent the past 17 years (since I moved out of my parents’ home at 19) learning how to cook and building my crockery collection. Not every man still living at home will be a Peter Pan-type who still doesn’t know how the washing machine works, but how can you grow into yourself without ever furnishing your own first home, or doing your own grocery shopping, or hosting friends for dinner for the first time?

• ‘I would like to have a baby but the costs are too high’

And how can you be vulnerable in a new relationship if there’s a chance of running into your partner’s dad on the way to the loo at 2am? The honeymoon period should be spent learning about each other, not learning your in-laws’ rules about conserving water in the shower. And what about sex? I never had any when I was sleeping over at exes’ parents’ houses, in case they heard us. And because it felt disrespectful in their home.

Yes, we could just stay at my flat. A female friend of mine, who lives alone and owns her home, thought that when she started dating a thirtysomething man who lived with his parents. Until he stayed at hers so often that he started to think of it as theirs, and not in a romantic nesting way. He’d been planning to take a few months off to go travelling, and suggested that she rent out her house on Airbnb to pay for it — she could come too, of course. Without ever having to be responsible for himself, he’d never grown out of the entitled child phase.

Of course a lot of the problems that come with dating a man who lives with his parents depend on the parents — whether he has a Greek tragedy “boy mum” dynamic, or his dad makes iffy misogynistic jokes. It depends on the size of the home, the thickness of the walls. Living in the family home could be a green flag — it could mean they’re the type to want to help their parents out as they age, or that they’re financially responsible and will be able to buy their own place soon as a result.

And, of course, it’s entirely different when it’s my friends we’re talking about — then, obviously, it’s not weird at all. A female friend of mine in her thirties moved back in with her mum last year after a stream of health worries. I know she’s an absolute catch, but it’s been a deal-breaker for a few men with whom she’s matched on the apps — wisely she tries not to mention it until after they’ve met.